Somebody Has to Say It

I am a birthmother and have been reunited with my daughter. We have had our ups and downs on the reunion rollercoaster, and have both learned a lot of things about the entire adoption process. Some of the things we discovered were (and still are) painful. The lies propogated by adoption agencies and child placement services are ugly, unfair, and do not help anyone. The truth DOES come out if the adoptee ever reunites with the birth family.

My daughter grew up knowing she was adopted and had a good life and loves her parents (and yes, her parents are the people who raised her). But I am no less her parent in a biological sense.

I think a lot of adoptive parents have an irrational fear that somehow if their child wants to find their birth family that they will somehow lose their child. To me, that seems like such an illogical way to think. Unless, of course, you have mistreated the child and they have had a miserable life … but I think in a case like that then you would “lose” the child anyway once they got old enough to fend for themselves.

In my daughter’s case, she was put under a tremendous amount of guilt by her adoptive family for even wanting to contact me and the rest of her birth family. That guilt led to a lot of stress for her over the course of our long journey. She still feels pressured by certain family members for wanting to be a part of her biological family. No matter how many times she tries to “prove” to them that she loves them and that they aren’t going to lose her, they still harbor insecurities and fear over her desire to love and share herself with two families.

There is a lot more to this story. Click here to read more! Also, feel free to leave a comment here about your feelings on this subject.

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